This is our guide on top of a huge rock. He’s giving us instructions as we are about to dive into a 6 hour cave spelunking in Sagada, Mountain Province, Phils.
Tus in my bed is my favorite. But not an unconscious one. That means no play time. But in this case, I love my sleeping Tus. That just means, he’s not going anywhere. I lay beside him patiently and in hushed motion allowing sleep to keep him hostage. He stirs, I kiss his arm. Just to let him know I’m here. He wakes. I smile. But he’s going after my iPad!!! No!!!! My Christian Grey and Eddie are keeping me company! So we wrestle and I am pinned down. He tickles. I bite. But I know that he’s not going anywhere. So I surrender because in giving up, I know that I still won.
Maybe there are different levels of being vain.
When you were younger and everything’s pointing up or even falls at the right places, you embrace your youth and adored how you look. You owned the world.
But when the perkiness starts to sag and you know you gotta hide the unnecessary flabs behind spanx, you now spend more time getting your puppies in the right places, trying to revive how you once looked.
And when the creases are now becoming more defined, you apply all kinds of mud, oil, fruit or lotion and you lather yourself back to your 20s.
So yeah, maybe there are different levels of being vain but these are all vain obsessions with retaining youth and beauty. It’s the grade of vanity that becomes heavier as you age.
Wow, vanity sure becomes a waste of time but hey, I still got time to waste!
But not when it concerns your mother! Oooohhh.. how I shudder at the mere thought of it.
Little Lota was a daddy’s girl. But she loved her mom very much too. She looked up to her and considered her as one of her heroes. But when daddy grew ill and passed away, she was devastated. How can a young girl cope with such a traumatic event?
But she did. Her mom moved heaven and earth just to provide her and her siblings everything despite being a single parent to 3 young kids.
Seeing that her mother worked very hard for the family, Little Lota, when not so little anymore, knew she had to help out and be doubly strong in regaining the whole family’s strength back.
Time had passed and the mother found a ‘friend’. The dad’s whole clan was against the mom seeing someone new – banning her in their own circle as if she committed such a heinous crime but she stood her ground. She knew she did everything she could to be a perfect wife and be a loving mother and didn’t neglect her duties of being both. Having a friend is not such a bad thing.
But Lota hated the guy! She rebelled against everything the mom said. She drank as hard as she can but soon realized that her mom needed their support in this. She, in fact, also deserved to be happy. So the 3 kids were the first to understand.
Now that everything was out in the open, the mom would slowly open up to them, especially to Lota since she was the eldest of the three. She wouldn’t really give her a hug when her mom was down since she was still uncomfortable of the fact that she’s seeing another man but she gave encouraging words and tried consoling her at her time of need.
Years had passed, Lota was living in with her fiancé and her mom was still seeing the guy. They had their monthly lunch out and Lota had to borrow her mom’s phone. She accidentally read the boyfriend’s message and it read:
“The sex was awesome last night, darling.
Can’t wait to take off your clothes tonight.”
Sure, she knows the two are probably doing the deed but she doesn’t need to imagine it! And seeing that message instantly flashed images of the two getting at it!
Goosebumps on goosebumps formed on her arms and prickly hair stood at the back of her neck while she cringed and grimaced at the thought of her mom and the guy together. In bed. Naked. Having fun.
She made up an excuse that she had to do something and ran off. Confused and maybe hurt, she didn’t know where to go but she drove home and headed straight to the bar, called out to her fiancé to give her a double shot and gulped it down in less than a second.
‘The sex was awesome last night, darling. Can’t wait to take off your clothes tonight’ was still flashing in her head.
After indulging in an almost empty bottle, the image of the message was a blur.
But the soggy boobs and the loose skinned butt is all she can still see. She’ll get used to it. But she’s probably gonna have to pass up on lunch next month.
Until soggy boobs and loose skinned butt is out of the picture, lunch will be back to normal.
Not so much a flashback but music transports me to a different world. There was a time when I listened to nothing but The Beatles for 3 years. Right now, Pearl Jam is my current addiction. Here are a few snippets of what I wrote about them and their music:
I feel like a floating entity that is brought to life by a certain song – whatever song i’m crazy about. I squat in this space where i’m in for a period of time and get freedom from this isolation. But something sits in my brain at the same time. Something that is gnawing away at my thoughts -That this could be fucked up. That maybe i’m facing a serious identity crisis situation. Or maybe i’m just way too hooked with this romance i have with music? This love affair that never ends ’til i jump off to another lover – may it be another artist or another song, It doesn’t matter. It just never ends. Right now, Ed gives oxygen into my hungry soul and i am alive.
I walk around with a different vibe. As if disconnected to reality. Living in an alternate universe where Pearl Jam just exploded. A smile is plastered on my face as if i carry a secret that only Eddie and I know. I twirl and walk with a rhythm, trotting to the bass playing of Jeff. I flip and toss my Abruzzese-ish mane, in sync with his crash thumping on the drums. My spirit sky rockets with Stone’s superb skills and i get suspended at the same time with Mike’s lead. Overwhelmed and blown over, I don’t give a rats ass if I’m residing in grunge planet. I’ll travel back in time soon. Right now, I’m enjoying my citizenship at rock world. So with my bony fingers, i raise my hand in a rock n roll salute. I’ll see you soon, mates.
Footsteps by pearl jam is my new obsession. It puts me in an immediate zone. Locking me in a bubble where the push and pull of emotion is so powerful you’d think my imaginary universe would soon burst with intensity – with the commanding presence of eddie’s voice, stone’s overwhelming guitar riffs and how the melody of the harmonica cradles me like a baby. Mixed with the energy i give out, my cold and clammy hands and the tears i shed you’d know that the chemical composition of this planet is a paradox. The perfect mix of a soulful ride. So don’t you burst my bubble. Let me enjoy my Footsteps flight.
Pearl Jam’s Parachutes sounds as if it’s out from a Revolver album. Come to think of it, there is kind of a Double Fantasy ring to it too. Which ever. All I’m saying is I can definitely taste Beatles flavor there, whether during the Beatles era or John Lennon post Beatles era. What makes it Pearl Jam? Eddie’s golden fucking baritone, man! Despite the song’s somber vibe, I was smiling. I liked the mix of flavors. And when Eddie sighed his hushed cry, the wind swept me up, in sync with my tunes, and carried me like a parachute the rest of my way home last night. High. Nothing could be better than being lifted by an Eddie sigh. I love you, Ed!
I’m still in an Avocato state of mind but I decided to hitch a ride with my Singles OST instead. I was enjoying the high of getting lost to the music that I totally forgot the sequence of this tape. So when Pearl Jam’s turn was on I felt my head swell, my jaw drop and I only realized that they took my breath away when I had to steady my breathing after the first stanza. I took a long soulful pause, shut my eyes, finished their 2 songs and switched back to Avocato. Next flight, Parachutes.
Rapt in fascination from Mike’s solo in Alive, I taxied to work in slow zigzags to the tune of his guitar playing only to realize that I have landed on the moon instead. I am amazed and jealous on how they can translate their emotions through epic, ear bleeding solos. I’d give it a shot and the sound it produced was literally ear bleeding. Nothing righteous, man. Instead of grooving to the musical ecstasy of my guitar licks, here I am licking my wounds in defeat instead. We’ll leave the adlibs and the solos to the likes of Mike. I can definitely feel him through his playing anyway. Maybe we’ll settle with that for now. In the meantime, let’s enjoy the tunes no gravity style.
The chorus part of Mind Your Manners (Pearl Jam’s new single) has a punk Elvis Presley ring to it. Such a turn on! So sexy that I got cross eyed just imagining Ed sing it. I shake my head to remedy my eyesight but found myself getting lost again in my cross eyed state of swooning and drooling over Ed. Oh man. Can’t wait for the album to be out. In the meantime, I’ve got Mind Your Manners… sslllrrppp! Excuse me.
Damn Eddie! You just keep on surprising me. Your Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns version almost gave me a heart attack. The Aphrodite in me totally lost its cool. I go giggling like a school girl to bawling like a baby at the beauty of your singing. In other words, I’ve gone ape shit, man. You come here and fix it.
As usual, I was tuned in
then Of the Girl came on
so I turned it up
and of course, got turned on.
But I kept flipping out to the guitar sound
for the twanging messes with my head
but soon mellowed down
to the soothing vocals of my Ed
I can feel Bowie’s imaginary tongue slither all over my senses as he ordered me to put on my red shoes and dance.
I couldn’t really tell how he does it but when he sings, he sounds like he’s dragging this sexy serpent out of his music box through his half opened mouth. Then in some unexplained behavior, like a pull of a magnet, you automatically groove to his tune like this is the only chance you can connect to him. So you wriggle gracefully like the serpent while his serpentine tongue makes its way around your body. Before you know it, you had the best dance of your life and it doesn’t have to be horizontally.
The earliest nightmare I remember was probably when I was 4-5 years old. I saw this old photo of me and, I think, that was taken during my first birthday. The party was over, all the guests have gone home and I was seated in my crib inside a dark room. A fraction of light was directed to my face so you can see in the photo that I was smiling. Maybe, for some reason, I found the smile creepy. It was indeed a dark room and there was no smiling matter when you’re kept in the shadows. I dreamt of the 1 year old me climbing out of the bed, out into the dark hall way and falling down the steps. The fall seemed like it went on for eternity but the smile! The smile was still plastered on my face. Before I’d crash down the pavement, I’d wake up, not smiling.
That was a recurring dream. It wasn’t only my earliest memory of a nightmare, it was one that haunted me until my college years.
If it weren’t that episode that came at night to spook me, it was a lot of different versions of running away from demons trying to kill me. I mean, what is going on in my subconsciousness that the nightmares it weaves seem to come from Elm Street! I wouldn’t mind if Johnny Depp were visiting me in my scariest dream state but he’s not there!
The freshest one was from last night. Is it possible that my soul was removed from my sleeping body and witnessed the slump of sleeping beauty that was me snoring on the edge of the bed? I even thought to myself how cool it was that I was a snorer. I always believed that if someone snores or even slumbers soundly in its pool of drool that that someone is having a dreamless and peaceful sleep one can ask for. So, yeah, cool that I was snoring last night. But that astral journey went on for only a split second because the nightmare came attacking me in sleep again.
Two strangers went to our house and I didn’t wanna let them in because I didn’t know any of them and I still have to call someone to entertain those strangers. But they were persistent. Forcing themselves in with blank faces that stared right through me. They punched a hole through the door and managed to wriggle their way inside. I found myself running towards the back of the house then the setting switched. I then found myself running in to our old house. And I knew that if that house came into the picture, the next scene to follow wouldn’t be a nice one.
Found my mom in their old room and there wasn’t a sense of urgency in her despite the fact that I was frantic and wet-myself-scared! So I called for help from another person in the house and there was no answer. My screaming seemed muffled and no one can really hear a thing I was saying. The strangers came. I wasn’t really at all prepared for their coming so hiding somewhere was a failure on my part. But they were so strange that they just kept staring blankly into space. Eventhough I was within their peripheral, they didn’t notice me at all. They were about to retreat and I was about to heave a sigh of relief when my mother spoke! They turned around and found me. The action scene was pretty intense and brutal but don’t worry, I was winning. Before gore became more visual in my head, I woke up.
I usually forget what I dreamt of the second I open my eyes but that one kept going until I was done smoking my nth stick of cig that night. I was trying to smoke to forget but it stayed in my head.
So I smoked. I waited for dusk. I waited for Johnny Depp. But the only thing that came was sleep again Luckily, this time, it was a dreamless state. Whew!